How many times do we have to look back on our relationships and cringe. All the red flags were there but we just chose to take no notice. Or maybe you’re like me and you acknowledged the red flags but you just didn’t care? Upon reflection of a seriously bad previous relationship there are many factors as to why I avoided the warning signs. Mostly it culminated in lack of self esteem & a lack of real relationship experience. I guess the saying really is true that you have to kiss a few toads before you find your princess…
Continue reading if you want to avoid heartache by avoiding the girl that does the following:
- Constantly talks about her Ex….especially on the first date. If the girl you are seeing constantly brings up her ex girlfriend and not in a “emotional bonding of the trauma of our past relationships” but in more of a “Ashley does this and this and this” then you have a problem. My experience with this led me to the blindingly obvious realisation that she was not over the ex and I was the rebound. The only reason someone talks about their ex constantly is if they are not over the person or the relationship. If she starts comparing you to the ex well then that’s on a whole other planet of red flag.
- She’s inconsistent. If someone likes you then they will want to communicate with you. They will reply to your texts or calls and they will make time to hang out with you. If you are getting delayed responses or fobbed off for some lame excuse more than one time then let that girl go. You are worth someone who likes you back not someone you are forever chasing.
- Insults. This has probably crossed the line from Red Flag into the danger zone. If a girl insults you in any way whether its your appearance, job, clothes or ability in the sack then get rid of her. If they start with the insults early on in the dating game it can just be a pre cursor to emotional abuse. Remember the initial dating period is when you will see a woman on her best behaviour. If she insults you now she may end up being way worse in the future. Just because we are lesbians in no way means that we are exempt from suffering from domestic violence in our relationships. We can suffer from emotional, physical and sexual abuse at the hands of a partner just like a heterosexual woman (or man) can.
- She has a boyfriend, toy boy, husband or boyfriend who is “okay with her hooking up with other women because it is not really cheating” The answer is NO. Don’t even go there…I mean unless it is just for a fun time, without the boyfriend obviously. Seriously though if she has a boyfriend she is not worth it. You might think that she is secretly a lesbian and will end up marrying you but 95% of the time that will not happen. Of course this only applies to women with a current male involvement I am not talking about women who have dated men previously and are now single.
- She tells lies or is a drama queen. When someone says “they hate drama” that usually means that they LOVE drama. Lesbians seem to thrive on a bit of drama (myself included) but even I have my limits. There is only so much drama in a relationship that I can withstand. If a girl is telling lies and creating problems in your life or problems in her own life that by default is affecting you then kick her to the curb.
- She only talks about herself and doesn’t ask you anything. One sign that you’re dating a narcissist or maybe not a narcissist but someone who only talks about themselves on a date is truly self involved. The same thing goes for if she is constantly whinging or complaining about things. It is so emotionally draining to date someone who is a negative nancy so take note of that in the initial dating stage.
- Keeping secrets. This can relate to many different things most notably is she at the same stage of the coming out journey as you are? It can be very difficult to have a successful relationship with someone who is fully closeted if you are fully out and proud. Of course this is not to say that this relationship will not work or that you should dump someone because they are not ready to come out but it is something to understand when dating a woman. Everyone’s journey is indivual and there can be many valid reasons that someone may not be out to certain people in their lives. However if you are in a relationship and you are feeling completely hidden or blocked off from her friends then it might be time to reassess whether it will really be a successfull relationship.
- Mind Games. No one likes to be manipulated but especially not by the woman who you are dating. If she is messing with your emotions on purpose and it feels like you are going crazy then she probably it is probably worth taking some time apart.
- Contempt. This is the last red flag on my list and if you see this run a mile. If someone turns their nose up at you and shows disdain or contempt in the early stages of dating then run girl run. Get out of their quick smart
Lesbians can often feel like there are so few of us in the wild that if we find another lesbian and we manage to go on an actual date, we need to lock her up. We tell ourselves that she is our perfect match despite all of her obvious character flaws and many blatant reasons that the relationship is likely to have significant issues in the future. I can tell you from my own experience that you should never stay in an unhappy relationship with a woman that treats you like shit because I can assure you there is someone better out there! By being in an unhealthy unhappy romance it is cutting off your chance to find someone who will actually treat you right. So bite the bullet ladies, if you go on a date and your red flag radar is beeping, maybe don’t text her back.