Bringing your girlfriend home for Christmas lunch can be as equally terrifying as skydiving from a plane…without a parachute. Okay maybe that is just me? Seriously though depending on your family dynamic and context bringing any type of partner but especially a same-sex one can be extremely daunting. There are a few variables to this depending on whether all your extended family members are aware of your relationship status or if some people just think you are really good friends. *Cough Nan Cough*.
Whatever the case might be here are some tips for how to have a smooth family Christmas with both your relatives and your girlfriend.
1. Tell her about your family members who will be attending. By this I mean let her know about uncle Danny who goes pig hunting and doesn’t know how to spell the word lesbianism. Safe to say it is probably best to avoid getting into a conversation with him if she can help it. But then there is Aunty Kaz who is a social worker and is all about LGBT rights, a safe bet to sit down with and be sure nothing offensive will be said to your partner.
In a large family, there will always be people with different lifestyles and beliefs so it is a good idea if you know there are people who could rub her the wrong way, they are probably best avoided. The same goes for topics to be avoided. Bringing up politics or religion is probably a bad idea. When your identity is inherently political this can be hard to avoid, however in the interest of things running smoothly, try and go with topics you know are safe.
2. No surprises for your family. Make sure you let them know that you are bringing your girlfriend to christmas lunch. Forewarned is forearmed and by letting them know to be on their best behaviour around her I generally find this helpful. (Not speaking from experience or anything….)
3. Get her to bring her signature dish. Whether your girlfriend is an amazing chef or not there is going to be something she can bring to christmas lunch. Whether its a salad, a dessert, a piece of cooked meat. Whatever it is just by bringing something to contribute will automatically put her in the good books. Especially with Nan who has been slaving away in the kitchen for four hours and still thinks you are just “really good friends” who live together.
4. Help with the clean up. Now in my family because they are all a product of the patriarchy it seems that the only people who clean up after lunch are the women? This is very bizarre in 2021 and yet they seem to never change. So I am suggesting that your girlfriend help with the clean up however I would be suggesting even if she was a he as I don’t believe in this patriarchal bullshit of only women cleaning up.
5. Don’t expect everything to go smoothly. It is possible that even with all the preparation and steps above that something offensive may be said. It is up to you how you handle this. There is a difference between ignorance and lack of education versus blatant homophobic rudeness. I had to learn how to differentiate between the two. This really informs my response if someone says something that I believe to be out of line. You shouldn’t have to put up with inappropriate behaviour just in order to keep the peace.
6. Figure out the sleeping arrangements earlier. If you are staying over with your family then it is a good idea to know where you are both going to be sleeping. Everyone’s families have different rules about this and for the sake of a few nights per year it is probably not worth arguing with them. If you are really stressed out about the prospect of sleeping in a family members home with your partner then potentially staying in a hotel or camping out in the backyard might be a better option. (Probably only in the southern hemisphere where its hot as hell in December)
Bringing your girlfriend home for Christmas lunch whether it’s for the first time or the 30th time can be stressful. However, you should never feel unwanted because of who you are by your family. Or feel that you have to change yourself or your girlfriend in order for Christmas to run smoothly. My last tip before Christmas is to watch the movie happiest season and do none of the things that the main character does. Merry Christmas all you lezzies out there.