Lesbian relationships can be intense. There is actually a scientific reason for this and it is called Oxytocin. Oxytocin is the chemical that is released during/after sex to help you fall in love. Funnily enough women produce more of this than men so when you have two women in a relationship you have a double dose of the love hormone. This is why lesbian relationships tend to move so quickly and start off so intense. Both partners are getting the fuzzy feels from all the orgasms they are having. This is great at first…but we all know lesbian breakups can be extra ROUGH.
A lesbian breakup, especially if it is your first lesbian relationship can be very rough. Any break-up is hard but it really is compounded when after years of pining after unavailable straight girls you finally find a real lesbian to date, only to have it go up in flames. What is even worse is that in the lesbian world you might have the same friends, play on the same sports team and frequent the same venues. In the straight world the degree of separation is 6 degrees but in the lesbian world, it is 0.6 degrees. Here are some tips to help you weather the storm of a bad lesbian breakup.
1. Don’t call, text, whatsapp, facetime, smoke signal or *insert whatever communication* method here, her. It is very tempting to try and keep the communication as consistent as it was during the relationship and women tend to try and keep in contact as a way to soften the blow of the breakup. Quitting cold turkey does not need to be the answer but at least in the first couple of weeks after the break up it might be best to give each other some space.
2. Take time to focus on your hobbies, work & interests. Use this time to keep your mind and body busy. You don’t want to dwell on the sadness you might be feeling so getting involved in activities that you love doing is a good way to keep your minds off things.
3. Talk to your friends and family. Support from friends or family is always helpful during a crisis. Even if they may not have fully understood your lesbian relationship don’t discount the empathy and support that your friends can provide you with, even if they are straight.
4. Exercise regularly. Okay here me out on this one. Exercise has been shown to have huge benefits when it comes to mental health. It releases endorphins in the same way that sex, drugs, and chocolate all do. It will clear your head and make you feel good about yourself, all whilst taking your mind off the breakup. Not to mention how great it will feel to flash your new summer body to your ex when you run into her 3 months post break up.
5. Get back out there even if you are not quite ready. In the age of internet dating you can cast the net without ever having to reel in another hot ladyfish. Just re-activate your online dating profiles on Her, tinder, bumble whatever dating app you like, and see who is around. You might be surprised at the range of women who are available and you might even find some friendly conversations with other queer girls. It is important that you don’t jump straight into a new relationship until you feel fully ready to be with someone new, no one likes to be the rebound girl.
6. Unfollow & Block, a Social media detox. Do not be spending 4 hours at night when you should be getting your beauty sleep stalking your ex on Instagram and Facebook. It is not healthy and if you are not prepared to see what she is doing without getting upset then you are not ready to keep following her on socials.
7. Think about the red flags. If you broke up there is probably a good chance that the relationship had some issues. Have a think about what aspects of the relationship you did not enjoy and what you’re looking for in your next girlfriend.
At the end of the day, break ups are really hard. Due to the much smaller dating pool, as lesbians it can seem like we will never meet another hot available lesbian ever again when we get broken up with. But the truth is there are loads of great women out there, you just have to keep looking. You will find your Kristen Stewart eventually just don’t give up.
