The old joke everyone knows. What does a lesbian bring to the second date? A Uhaul. Obviously, the joke is that with two women in an intimate relationship it will move quickly due to double the amount of oxytocin floating around. One minute you are on your second date that goes for 7 hours and the next you are breaking your lease and signing onto hers. Playing house with your new beau can be so much fun but it can also end in tears if you go in unprepared. After nearly three years doing long distance with my girlfriend I decided it was time to finally move in with her. I would say waiting three years was probably a little long but it was the right thing for us at the time. I wanted to be 100% sure that moving in was the right decision for us especially considering I had to move states. Here are some of my tips for moving in with your girl without it ending in tears.
- Live independently before living together. In an ideal world you would both be able to live on your own or with other roommates before moving in with your girlfriend. The reason I say this is because a lot of young people don’t realise how much work goes into maintaining the household. Living with parents you will probably share the load a little bit but there is no way you are working full time and doing all the cooking, cleaning, yard maintenance etc. If you both move in together after having some experience with living independently it is much more likely that you will share the workload fairly and not end up fighting over who isn’t doing enough cooking.
- Stay over together a lot before you live together. If you are seeing each other every night prior to moving in and spending all weekend together you can see your partner for who she truly is. People can’t be on their best behaviour all the time so you want to see how she behaves when she is confronted with an inconvenient situation.
- Take alone time when you need it. Living together and seeing each other every day changes the relationship dynamic. You need to be able to take time to yourself throughout the week and ideally have your own hobbies to be involved in. Absence does make the heart grow fonder so just because you are living together now does not mean you need to spend every waking moment of free time together. Unless you want of course.
- Communicate about finances. Having the expenses of rent, groceries, utilities etc can put a strain on any relationship especially depending on your financial situation. Make a plan about how you are going to split costs or who is going to pay for what bills. Money related issues are one of the leading causes in relationship breakdown so if you can address this from the start it will make your life much easier. Living together might also be the first time in your relationships that the issue of finances has ever arisen. If they get 150 online parcels delivered each week but then you end up covering her portion of the rent, that is going to be a problem that needs to be addressed. The reality is if both partners are working in some sort of capacity living together will still usually be cheaper than trying to run the costs of a house on your own.
- Create routines around who prefers doing what housework. If you prefer to do the vacuuming and washing and your girlfriend prefers to do the cooking and grocery shop, it can be ideal to divide and conquer. Ask her what she likes and what she doesn’t like and think about how you can split it up and keep the house running smoothly. One thing I realised after moving in with my girlfriend is that it is much cheaper to live with a partner than on your own and it is also so much less housework to do as everything is split down the middle. The big plus is that because both of you are women, you will generally both have been conditioned to do housework so it is unlikely going to be a cause of problems in your relationship unlike it can be for straight women when they first move in with their boyfriends. Yay for the patriarchy….
These are some of our tips from moving in together. There is so much fun to be had when you move in with your GF. Endless netflix movie nights and so many opportunities to invite your gay girl gang over for pizza nights. You will love it.