Why do lesbians love bad girls? I am genuinely curious about this? Is it just me or do we often seem to thrive on a bit of drama in our relationships? Being a lesbian is an outside of the box to the straight world. We obviously don’t subscribe to the typical life script of marry the nice guy, have 2.5 kids and the whole white picket fence thing. Everyone loves an enemies to lovers trope but what makes the lesbian bad girl extra popular?
For too long in popular culture the ‘psycho lesbian villain’ has been a pillar of queer representation. Time and time again we have been relegated to this role which usually ends in obsession, violence & death. It is sad that for so long lesbianism and mental illness seemed to go hand in hand in pop culture and it is only in recent years we are finally starting to change this. Could it be that our overexposure to queer characters being psychotic killers is the foundation for why we love bad girls so much?
So what makes a lesbian bad girl, you might ask? Well funnily enough there is an actual definition of a “Bad Girl.” I am unsure how I feel about that. A bad girl is a woman who defies expected or approved standards of conduct, especially one who behaves in a wild, rebellious or sexually provocative manor. Wow, by that definition wouldn’t that be every lesbian on earth? Just hit up a lesbian dyke night at a club at 2am in the morning and you will see a plethora of bad girls. (I would say lesbian club but unfortunately we don’t have any left) Maybe the true reason we love bad girls so much is because deep down we already identify within ourselves as one. In our world, we broke the rules when we strayed from the hetero life path so if the crown fits, we may as well embrace it.
Let’s face the truth, bad girls are intoxicating and addictive. They break the rules and they don’t give a flying f**K about it. They are tough as nails with enough swagger for the both of you. Coming out as a lesbian can be challenging so it can be nice to be with a woman who doesn’t care what other people think of her. Sometimes all you want is for a nice strong lady to wrap you up in her arms and shelter you from the sad cruel world. (okay maybe that is a bit dramatic but feeling taken care of in a relationship is always nice)
A lot of women have an innate desire to help people. If a lesbian is a damaged, tough as nails bad girl you might think that she needs you to save her. She just needs the love of a good women to get her back on the right path. Time and time again we see this type of saviour complex in straight and gay people. The reality is you shouldn’t need to “save” someone you are in a relationship with. It’s condescending and a bit gross. If a bad girl has genuine issues that she needs help with you can certainly help her get the support that she needs but it is not your responsibility to rescue someone from themselves.
Lesbians have often spent so much time pining over unavailable women that the thrill of the chase is enough to keep them satisfied. Chasing an unattainable bad girl is a safe option because you know if it is never going to happen then you don’t have to deal with all the challenges that come with a queer relationship. It is self sabotage in a way. Relationships should be built on respect, trust and love and not bad girl behaviour that makes us hate ourselves.
We can also mistake passion and lust for love. Let’s face the truth queer bad girls are fun in the sack. They have been around the block and they know how to please a gal. Exciting lesbian sex can be extremely addictive and can mess with your emotions. Just because you are having an intense sexual relationship with someone does not automatically mean it’s a love connection.
We don’t have to look very far in our favourite queer tv/movie content to see some bad girls lesbians are obsessed with. Some are explicitly sapphic and others are not. Their sexuality does not stop us from obsessing over them. At the end of the day I will always love a bad girl even when I know they are no good for me. (Sorry not sorry).